Poem on the Perfect Wife

A perfect wife- who can find her?
She plans beyond and co-signs a prenuptial.

Her husband has confidence in her,
from her he will derive no little profit

Earnings and not children she brings him
all the days of her life.

She is always busy with e-mail and with fax,
she does her work with eager hands.

She is like an armored car
protecting her assets day after day

She gets up while it is still dark
giving her stockbroker a call
giving orders to hurry up and buy

She sets her mind on a company, then she buys it
with what her hands have earned she plans to reinvest

She backs up all her work
in the event her computer should freeze

On the weekends,
She finds her labour well worth while;
she and her husband can afford to go out at night

She rules with a firm hand her work staff
her fingers type furious e-mail

She holds out her hand to potential customers
She closes her office door to the needy

Economic crisis may come, she has no fears for her security,
with all her finances readily accessible

She makes her own way in the world,
she is dressed in fine business suits of the season

Her husband is respected at the city council,
taking his seat among the oldest investors of the land

She weaves business plans and sells them,
to the executive board at the meetings

She has a portfolio and liquid assets,
she can laugh at the days to come.

When she opens her mouth, she does so quickly;
on her tongue is snappy instruction

She keeps good watch on the conduct of her office,
no breaks or idleness for her.

Her executives stand up and proclaim her VIP,
her husband, too, applauds her successes

"Many women have accomplished things,
but you surpass them all!"

Charm is deceitful, and beauty wimpy;
the woman who is high-up is the one to praise.

Give her her share in what her hands have worked for,
should she file for a divorce..

and let her earnings make her comparable to Bill Gates

Echoes at night

At night, when all is still

And my world becomes motionless

The tick-tock is all I hear

Then the loud voices come, and I shudder with fear

Am I safe? I don't really know

The voices have an agenda, an opinion to show

Something about a place called "Hethker Reef Horn"- seems important to them

The argue and argue and won't let it rest...every night, it's the issue that starts the fight

Then the familiar deep voice speaks,

"It's all about the green, and life they will not spare"

Sounds dangerous- I don't want to go there- to Hethker Reef Horn

Is it near or far away? I don't know, but then...

the soft close voice whispers, "it's happened- it's here"

I tremble...it continues and grows louder...

"how could anyone ever hurt a bay bee?"

I'm not sure what a "bay bee" is, but I don't think they are safe in Hethker Reef Horn...

Hope I can stay here, close to the the soft voice- I just know I'll be safe then

More Music Lessons: the Sign of Peace

Ms. Friemel: During the mass, what do we do right before the "Lamb of God".

Class: "The Sign of Peace"

Class: puzzled look

Ms. Friemel: "I'll give you a hint. It looks like this. (walks over and shakes a student's hand)

Class: "The Sign of Peace!!"

Ms. Friemel: "That's right!"

Ms. Friemel: "So what's the point of the Sign of Peace? Why do we do it? Is it a time to say, "Hey, I really like your sweater" (this is especially funny because all of the students dress code sweaters are virtually identical) or "what are you having for lunch today" or "can I come over today after school and play baseball at your house?"

Class: (shaking heads) NOooo.

Ms. Friemel: "So why do we do it?"

Class: blank stares

Ms. Friemel: The opposite of war is peace. So, if we are at peace with others, it means we are not fighting, that we have forgiven them. The sign of peace is a sign of forgiveness.

Class: (perking up a bit)

Ms. Friemel: So, when I say, "Peace be with you", I'm really saying, "I forgive you" or "I'm sorry accept your forgiveness".

(2-4th grades) Ms. Friemel: Now, some of you are thinking, "forgiving what? or sorry for what?" Well, there will be times when we have not tried to hurt our peers through our words or actions. There will be times when we have not been hurt by their words or actions. But, because we are all on the same team, the body of Christ (members of the Church), we help out the team by saying we are saying for others failings and sin too. And we forgive the failings and sins of those members of the Church whom we may have never even met.

Ms. Friemel (to make sure students are coherent): Do you think it is fair to say you are sorry for what other people have done?

Class: (sheepishly shaking their heads): It may not seem "fair" to say you are sorry for someone else's faults, but this is what Jesus asks of us, that we pray for others, apologize as a community, and give forgiveness to all of the community, or body of Christ.

Ms. Friemel: Now, "let us turn to one another and offer a sign of peace". (monitoring as some children shake the arm off their neighbor or hardly grasp their hand at all.) Please, be gentle. Shake her hand. There you go. Oh, careful. I'll give you the sign of peace.

Ms. Friemel: "As we do this, remember we are saying, "I forgive and I accept forgiveness".

Miss Friemel's Music Lessons- and More

Part of my job requires that I visit children in grades Pre-K through 4th and share a "liturgical" music lesson with them. This often consists of singing hymns and psalms from the upcoming mass, talking about the Saint's Feast or liturgical season, or high-lighting some part of the mass and talking about why we do it that way. This all is tied together with reading the scriptures for the week.

Although my lessons are simple due to the fact that I am teaching children, reading and reflecting on the scriptures and lives of the saints, and then hearing input from the children has challenged me greatly in my understanding of the faith. It really is true that in order to say something succintly, you have to have a full understanding and go much deeper with it than what the final product shows.

So, here I will record, whether for private reflection by those who are simple (like me)and simply not theologians or as material for reaching children with profound and succint truths of the faith.


Lesson Objective: Children will identify and discuss how Jesus is the "Word of God". They will learn the Lenten Response "Praise to You, Word of God, Lord Jesus Christ."

Ms. Friemel: "What is the purpose of our words?"
Class: "To communicate so we can understand each other"
Brilliant child/good little Catholic answer: "To show kindness and love through what we say."

Ms. Friemel: "We use our words to tell people who we are. I can tell you I am Ms. Friemel and I like to sing and I am a caring teacher. See, I just told you about myself using my words."

(2-4th grade answer)Ms. Friemel: "That's right. Our words show others what we are like, what's in our heart. If we speak kind words to others, we show that we are kind. If we speak unkindly, we are showing that we need to work on being more loving. Sometimes what we say is not as important as how we say it. Can you think of a time when you said "Thanks a lot" to someone but meant something different? Our tone, or how we say things, also tell people what's in our heart."

(all grades) Ms. Friemel: So, do you think our words have power?

Class: (Puzzled look)

Ms. Friemel: "Yes, they do! Even though words are invisible (we can't see them), we can use them to encourage others or say mean things. Words have power to make someone happy or sad- to help or to hurt."

Ms. Friemel: (to make sure students are coherent) Do words have power?

Class: Yes!

Ms. Friemel: "That's right! And, in the beginning of time, God's word was so powerful, so strong, so full of love, that it became the very person of Jesus! Jesus is God's ultimate way of saying that He loves us!"

(proceeds to teach "Glory to You" on pg. #333 of Ritual Song)

"Full Participation"

Vatican II called for "full participation" during the sacred celebration of liturgy in the Church.

My current job calls for me to plan, teach, and direct music for the weekly Children's Liturgy. I find myself asking, "What does 'full participation' really mean?" Does it mean participation in the absolute literal sense: singing every word and note to every song? speaking audibly and clearly every word for every response during mass?

How do people who are deaf "fully participate" then? What if, due to a temporary or permanent disease, someone cannot speak or sing, and therefore "fully paricipate?" Or the parent who must get up during mass with their fussy infant and lull them back to sleep by walking around? They're bound to miss something. They're not fully participating. Or are they? Let's not forget those who are too young, those who are too senile, and those who are too weak. All of these may not be able to "fully participate".

The list could go on and on. The point is this: we are broken people who come to mass to receive Christ through the Word and the Eucharist. Period.


As a student of music and of singing (with a degree to show for it), I can tell you that people can sing without being present- without meaning it. Singing can be, and often is, seperated from the emotion, the spirit, even sometimes the intellect. I've been in choirs (not just church choirs) before where a piece of music that was either dislike or over-rehearsed became dry because the choir, as a whole, was no longer present. In fact, it may be easier for a student of music, who has done a great deal of singing, to let their singing become "dry" and routine.

Now let's apply this to the mass. But let us first make a distincion between being in auto-pilot with spiritual dryness.

If I am in auto-pilot, I may very well appear to be participating- I might be singing, responding, going through all the "motions"- but my thoughts are else where: what's for dinner, why is she wearing that awful color? kind of thoughts.
And I make little or no effort to bring my thoughts to God.

If I go to mass, but I don't "feel" like being there and singing-(maybe I am sorrowful or anxious or nervous or confused), there is even more grace to be obtained if I continue to try, to pray, to seek, to ask God to help my mind and heart be engaged. This is much like spiritual dryness, even if it is temporary.
We will not always "feel" like being at mass. But we go out of faithfulness and love for God.

How easy any of us can fall into this trap during mass! We may be singing...but not participating. Certainly, this is a rational statement, as we have discussed. If this is true, then I'd like to propose another argument, a radical way of looking at the mass:
We may be participating...but not singing!!!

How is this possible? Well, first of all, we know all things are possible with God.

Secondly, if "he who sings, prays twice", then maybe the reverse is true. He who prays twice in his heart is singing. Maybe physical or mental obstacles or age prevent him from doing so, but he is present with the music that is being offered up during the Divine Liturgy.

Remember, at every mass, we are celebrating the Heavenly Liturgy with all the angels and saints. when we sing the "Sanctus", we are "joining in their unending song of praise...".

We cannot see or hear the angels and saints gathered around the altar at each mass. But we accept with faith that they are there. And how can an angel sing anyway? They can't possibly have vocal chords because they do not have physical bodies as we have. They are pure spirit. Maybe their "song" takes the form of light or an energy emmitting from them. But it certainly surpasses our understanding of singing. Hmmm....Maybe we need to stop taking this full participation thing so literally and start trusting that when our hearts and minds are raised, we are with God, and that is the meaning and purpose of worship.

Why do I bring this up? Why do I harp (no pun intended) continuously on music for liturgy and what it means to participate? Because when liturgists and music directors start choosing music for the liturgy based on what will get everyone "participating", they miss the big picture.

Hence, many of our hymns sound like a Mentos commercial because they are about twenty years behind the pop music trend, and we've all but lost chant, early polyphony, and traditional hymnody. Our liturgy is in disrepair, and largely due to this idea of "participation", what it means, how it's implemented

So what is the purpose of music for the liturgy? We will cover that in Part II.

Holy Families

What does it take to be a holy family? Yesterday was the feast of the Holy Family, appropriate since it falls in the octave of Christmas. On that "cold winter's night" Mary and Joseph indeed became a family. When we look at the Trinity, we are reminded of family, as God himself is family. The love which the Father has for the Son is so strong, so powerful, that It is manifested as the Holy Spirit. In addition, God's love (Holy Spirit) for us is so unfailing, so passionate, that It took on the form of flesh in Jesus Christ. What was once invisible became visible. And isn't that how families are made? The love which is so deep and wonderful between a man and a woman becomes visible in their children.

So what does a holy family look like? Well, in today's modern society, it's little wonder that the family is on the "endangered" list. Families don't make time to be families because of lifestyle choices. And it's tough. Bills have to be paid. Often, both parents have to work. TV's become substitutes for real conversation in families, and mealtime rarely happens as a group. Individuals may pick up fastfood as they scurry off to their next activities. Are their solutions?

You feel like your household is chaotic, that people are yelling and being noisy all the time. What is going on? Your child spends their Christmas vacation in front of the TV because you need to catch up on housework and it keeps them out of your way.



Maybe your family is a victim of "keeping up with the Jones'". Your children must have every toy they ask for which the media tells them they should have. Two weeks after the b-day or Christmas, the toy is collecting dust.

* Decide what toys are useful for your children.

Do they really need ten baby dolls? three sets of trains? Choose toys that will stay with them and spark their creativity, and avoid the rest like a plague.
If they already have too many and it's out of control to organize (more work for you!), have them go through old toys they don't use anymore or have grown out of and donate them to less fortunate children.
If you invite others to your children's birthday party's, have a no gift rule, or ask that they contribute a small donation to help cover the expense of one special gift for the child.


Your child's agenda is fuller than yours. Parents often feel that their children should have every experience they were deprived of growing up: all at once! So they enroll them in swimming and dance lessons and soccer and basketball and underwater basket weaving. And mom wonders why she spends all her time being a chaffeur and dinner is never on the table in time!

* Enough is enough.

Find one sport and one fine art to enroll your child in- not twenty. And if they want to give up an activity, let them. The objective is that they stay healthy and active through physical activity as well as creatively involved in an art form of some kind. Not that they be the next Picasso or "follow in their father's footsteps" of being the starting linebacker.


Dad comes home from work and doesn't want to help with the children. He lets Mom fight all the battles, administer the discipline, and care for the children. After all, who would want to? He wants peace and quiet, but the children are anything but quiet.



* Involve dad as well.

Fathers need to be more actively involved in their children's lives. Suggest that he have special time with the children while you take some time for you- take a bath, read a book, etc. As your family life becomes more peaceful (see the next few tips) he will look forward to his time with the children.



Mom is grouchy and overworked. The laundry is piling up, the dishes are stacked to the ceiling, and the dog just made another mess. Does anybody else care to help?


*Allocate housework.

Moms are generally overworked and overstressed and children are spoiled and overpriveleged. So moms and children would benefit if children would take on simple house chores earlier on. Don't wait until they're teenagers to say, "Make your bed" or "take out the trash". A child who is four years old can scrub a plate of food they've just eaten from. It will make mother's life easier, and the children will have less time to get into sibling quarrels and wander back toward the TV.

The family is loud and chaotic. The children will not settle down before bedtime, and quarrels frequently erupt between siblings. The children seem to always be fighting over something "that's mine!" or "I had it first" are some of their favorite phrases. It's all you can do to get them to bed so you can have a few minutes of peace and quiet before the chaos and rush of the next day.


*Turn the TV off. For good. No, seriously.

How much information which comes through your television is actually necessary for your well-being? Put the TV in a cabinet and close the door. Live without it for two weeks and just see if you miss it.

Now, if your family is already addicted to TV, you're going to be fighting a pretty bad withdrawal battle. But just remind them that it won't be gone forever. Be aware of your children going over to friend's houses to watch their TV. Tell them their friends can come to your house, but that you feel that you should have more family time without the TV.

Drop your cable subscription and find something else to do with the extra money. Use the TV sparingly and purposefully. Think, "I'm going to turn the TV on for the 6 o'clock news, and then it goes off." Or have a family movie night- watch one movie and discuss it afterwards. Check out family flicks! But make sure the TV does not linger, or your family will get sucked in. Your household will be more peaceful.

*Plan family prayer time.

It'll never happen unless you schedule it in. Without the TV competing for your family's energy and attention, it will be much simpler than you think. What you pray is not as important as the act of praying. Make it a positive time- don't scold or lecture if your family does not immediately respond joyfully. Start with fifteen minutes an evening after dinner and just wait- your family will start to look forward to it!

*Be good stewards.

Apart from teaching children the value of a dollar, they need to learn what to do with their dollars. Make them aware of how much they do have. Take them to food banks and shelters and put them to work. Encourage them to save their money, and then present the option of using part of it to donate to a charity.

*Have dinner every night together.

It can be done. Arrange your schedules so that you can be a family every evening. It may be tough at first, but you can find a way if you're determined enough. If every evening is impossible, make it three times a week.

So maybe you're not Martha Stewart. Or maybe you normally cook dinner, but it's just not going to happen tonight because it's been an overwhelming day. So, don't take the family to a noisy restaurant and battle traffic on the way there. Instead, order delivery or have your husband pick up food at a restaurant on his way home from work. Put it on plates (don't worry- you'll have help washing them after dinner!) and have dinner as a family. Sit down around the table. Have conversation without feeling like you have to talk over loud music or background noise. Be a family.

Families are complex because they are made up of individuals with separate interests and tastes. Find common ground through faith, and your family will flourish.

Motivation: Fear or Love?

People living in the modern world can easily fall into a trap of living in fear. I might choose to go to class because I'm afraid I'll fail if I don't. I turn in homework assignments because I fear that my grade will suffer as a result. I might fake kindness or agree with a person even when disagree because I'm afraid of offending them. I go to work because I'm afraid of losing my job and not being able to support myself. Fear. It's a strong motivator. But if our lives revolve around fear alone, we're missing half the picture. Fear causes us to live reactionary lives- our choices are based only on events thrown at us. We stop creating, inventing, thinking, pondering- and begin only existing. What is the bare minimum I must do in order to get by? This is a reaction to what is expected of us- how do I escape life unscathed, without offending, without making too much noise. This time of the semester, I find myself living in a lot of fear. I fear that if I don't pass Biology, I will fail. I fear I may not graduate. This leads to more fears of not getting a job, not being able to pay back my student loans, etc. Fear, fear, fear. To some extent, I may realize that my fears are irrational- that everything will work out just fine, but this does not keep me from being fearful.

Fear is stifling for the Christian. It chokes the spirit. It keeps one passive, a bystander in life, not a full participant. We are called to be bold- to make some noise- to stand up and speak out. I fear that if I don't pray, I will not grow spiritually. My eternal salvation may be in jeopardy because my soul could drift very far without constant dialogue with its Creator. And yet, the project that is due tomorrow seems more pressing than eternity because it's more immediate- the consequences are sooner coming. Anything that happens on this earth is more immediate than eternity- that does not mean it should have priority. The challenge as Christians is to find balance in our daily life so that everything we do, say, and think becomes a prayer rising like incense before God. It doesn't matter if our efforts seem imperfect- if we offer them with a pure heart, God will accept them. But it can't stop there. Setting aside some time every day- even if it only starts with 15 minutes a day- is invaluable in spiritual life.

"I don't have time to pray" we fall into the trap of thinking. But somehow, we all find time for every other "necessary" part of life: school, work, shopping, paying bills, etc. And modern life tempts us into thinking there is something lazy about prayer- after all, we're not really "doing" anything. But the Christian who only joins service clubs, social groups, and even bible studies may fall into the habit of doing. Even if they do these things in good faith and heart- they are still lacking. If they do not take time- make time to go directly to the Source, they will become discouraged. Their efforts will become selfishly motivated. They will easily be disheartened by the imperfections of themselves and others and begin seeking approval from those around them instead of their Maker. We must not let activity, even if it's Christian activity, keep us from quiet contemplative prayer.

One of my pet peeves is to hear, "Well, all we can do is pray." Shame! Prayer is not "all" we can do- it's the most powerful thing we can ever hope to do! We are worthless without it. All of our actions and hopes and good faith can become corrupt if we do not turn our hearts to prayer. If we would only put away our narrow-mindedness for an instant and realize the value of prayer. We cannot even begin to appreciate how powerful prayer is. For through prayer, we do not change God- he changes us- he transforms us into vessels, into instruments.

And so, this Advent, and during this time of particular stress and bustle of final exams, let us look upon prayer not as an obligation, but as a beautiful privilege and source of power, hope, strength, and renewal. Let us constantly seek God as welcoming, loving, always ready to love and forgive and hold us. He is not our faculty advisor nor is he our professor. He is not with the University Police waiting to pass out parking tickets. He is God almighty, and prayer is not just another requirement on his sacred syllabus. He yearns to speak with us through prayer, to communicate his will to us. Let us respond to him out of love, holy fear, not human fear. Amen.