Holy Families

What does it take to be a holy family? Yesterday was the feast of the Holy Family, appropriate since it falls in the octave of Christmas. On that "cold winter's night" Mary and Joseph indeed became a family. When we look at the Trinity, we are reminded of family, as God himself is family. The love which the Father has for the Son is so strong, so powerful, that It is manifested as the Holy Spirit. In addition, God's love (Holy Spirit) for us is so unfailing, so passionate, that It took on the form of flesh in Jesus Christ. What was once invisible became visible. And isn't that how families are made? The love which is so deep and wonderful between a man and a woman becomes visible in their children.

So what does a holy family look like? Well, in today's modern society, it's little wonder that the family is on the "endangered" list. Families don't make time to be families because of lifestyle choices. And it's tough. Bills have to be paid. Often, both parents have to work. TV's become substitutes for real conversation in families, and mealtime rarely happens as a group. Individuals may pick up fastfood as they scurry off to their next activities. Are their solutions?

You feel like your household is chaotic, that people are yelling and being noisy all the time. What is going on? Your child spends their Christmas vacation in front of the TV because you need to catch up on housework and it keeps them out of your way.



Maybe your family is a victim of "keeping up with the Jones'". Your children must have every toy they ask for which the media tells them they should have. Two weeks after the b-day or Christmas, the toy is collecting dust.

* Decide what toys are useful for your children.

Do they really need ten baby dolls? three sets of trains? Choose toys that will stay with them and spark their creativity, and avoid the rest like a plague.
If they already have too many and it's out of control to organize (more work for you!), have them go through old toys they don't use anymore or have grown out of and donate them to less fortunate children.
If you invite others to your children's birthday party's, have a no gift rule, or ask that they contribute a small donation to help cover the expense of one special gift for the child.


Your child's agenda is fuller than yours. Parents often feel that their children should have every experience they were deprived of growing up: all at once! So they enroll them in swimming and dance lessons and soccer and basketball and underwater basket weaving. And mom wonders why she spends all her time being a chaffeur and dinner is never on the table in time!

* Enough is enough.

Find one sport and one fine art to enroll your child in- not twenty. And if they want to give up an activity, let them. The objective is that they stay healthy and active through physical activity as well as creatively involved in an art form of some kind. Not that they be the next Picasso or "follow in their father's footsteps" of being the starting linebacker.


Dad comes home from work and doesn't want to help with the children. He lets Mom fight all the battles, administer the discipline, and care for the children. After all, who would want to? He wants peace and quiet, but the children are anything but quiet.



* Involve dad as well.

Fathers need to be more actively involved in their children's lives. Suggest that he have special time with the children while you take some time for you- take a bath, read a book, etc. As your family life becomes more peaceful (see the next few tips) he will look forward to his time with the children.



Mom is grouchy and overworked. The laundry is piling up, the dishes are stacked to the ceiling, and the dog just made another mess. Does anybody else care to help?


*Allocate housework.

Moms are generally overworked and overstressed and children are spoiled and overpriveleged. So moms and children would benefit if children would take on simple house chores earlier on. Don't wait until they're teenagers to say, "Make your bed" or "take out the trash". A child who is four years old can scrub a plate of food they've just eaten from. It will make mother's life easier, and the children will have less time to get into sibling quarrels and wander back toward the TV.

The family is loud and chaotic. The children will not settle down before bedtime, and quarrels frequently erupt between siblings. The children seem to always be fighting over something "that's mine!" or "I had it first" are some of their favorite phrases. It's all you can do to get them to bed so you can have a few minutes of peace and quiet before the chaos and rush of the next day.


*Turn the TV off. For good. No, seriously.

How much information which comes through your television is actually necessary for your well-being? Put the TV in a cabinet and close the door. Live without it for two weeks and just see if you miss it.

Now, if your family is already addicted to TV, you're going to be fighting a pretty bad withdrawal battle. But just remind them that it won't be gone forever. Be aware of your children going over to friend's houses to watch their TV. Tell them their friends can come to your house, but that you feel that you should have more family time without the TV.

Drop your cable subscription and find something else to do with the extra money. Use the TV sparingly and purposefully. Think, "I'm going to turn the TV on for the 6 o'clock news, and then it goes off." Or have a family movie night- watch one movie and discuss it afterwards. Check out family flicks! But make sure the TV does not linger, or your family will get sucked in. Your household will be more peaceful.

*Plan family prayer time.

It'll never happen unless you schedule it in. Without the TV competing for your family's energy and attention, it will be much simpler than you think. What you pray is not as important as the act of praying. Make it a positive time- don't scold or lecture if your family does not immediately respond joyfully. Start with fifteen minutes an evening after dinner and just wait- your family will start to look forward to it!

*Be good stewards.

Apart from teaching children the value of a dollar, they need to learn what to do with their dollars. Make them aware of how much they do have. Take them to food banks and shelters and put them to work. Encourage them to save their money, and then present the option of using part of it to donate to a charity.

*Have dinner every night together.

It can be done. Arrange your schedules so that you can be a family every evening. It may be tough at first, but you can find a way if you're determined enough. If every evening is impossible, make it three times a week.

So maybe you're not Martha Stewart. Or maybe you normally cook dinner, but it's just not going to happen tonight because it's been an overwhelming day. So, don't take the family to a noisy restaurant and battle traffic on the way there. Instead, order delivery or have your husband pick up food at a restaurant on his way home from work. Put it on plates (don't worry- you'll have help washing them after dinner!) and have dinner as a family. Sit down around the table. Have conversation without feeling like you have to talk over loud music or background noise. Be a family.

Families are complex because they are made up of individuals with separate interests and tastes. Find common ground through faith, and your family will flourish.