Music and the Self

Musicians are frequently thought of as being ego-centric and self-absorbed. The stereotypical opera singer sums up this sentiment when we picture him singing "mi-mi-mi-mi-mi!" with gusto. We may hear, "It's all about me-me-me!" The humble singer is no singer at all, or so we think. Tall posture, unwavering energy, and confident notes are surely signs that someone is "full of himself". The only way a singer can get ahead is to be hard-shelled and ruthless- competitive and not taking slack from anyone. The diva is feared by even the conductor. She can, with one look, dominate the stage and get what she wants from the musical experience- her tempo, her dynamic- she does not apologize. But the days of the diva are fading, as directors and conductors are beginning to realize that people can be talented and cooperative: everyone is happy and the music is better served. Service. It may be the last thing we think of in regards to music and performance. But it should be the first.
The act of music-making and performing is for whom? While performers may take pleasure in singing and being on stage, ultimately, if there's no audience, there's no performance. Therefore, the audience must be kept in mind at all times. It is the performer's job to give the gift of music and the audience's job to enjoy and be enriched. In this way, the singer becomes a servant- not only to the audience, but to the music. Being a servant to the music requires several things. The performer must first be comfortable enough with technique that they can, while on stage, "forget" about it- let it go. Trust that it is there and working and fueling a great performance. Their mind should become preoccupied with the meaning of the music, which demands a knowledge of text and context. Linked with this is the ability to "feel" the music- which is expressed through dynamics, phrasing, articulation- all of the things that make up great technique, but with that added "spark" that keeps it from being mechanical or robotic. If a singer allows thoughts of technique or even audience acceptance "will they like it?" take over, they are serving neither the music or the audience.

But it is not just the stereotypical "mi-mi-mi" opera singer who can fall into this trap of preoccupation. It can also be the well-meaning, yet insecure singer who may not be able to get past the technique and audience thoughts. And the very thing keeping them there is really, fear. Let us not confuse fear with humility. True humility lies not in outward appearance or perceptions- it is simply the singer's awareness of their strengths, weaknesses, motivations, and Source of their gifts. Here, I will add in a spiritual aspect, because we are all spiritual, regardless of our "religious" beliefs. For me personally, I believe the Giver of my gifts is God. He is the source and inspiration from which my talents flow. But in order to be His "instrument" and let His light truly shine forth, I have to get out of the way. The fear which hinders my "letting go" and giving myself to the music and audience also hinders His work in me. Therefore, worry is a very selfish act.

True humility flourishes when one places all confidence in the Giver of the gift. In reflecting on the goodness of God, we see both our unworthiness and our Divine worth all at once. We are fragile humans, children of God all at once. We can then go into performances with the confidence that we have a bit of the Divine within us. We are not alone, and our identity does not rest on merely being a singer or performer. With this realization, fear is banished and we realize that we do not stake our success on recognition or approval or praise from others. We no longer fear "screwing up" because we have been set free to create. It is no longer our interest we look after- so what if we make a mistake? If it's not for ourselves that we perform, then how can we be harmed by a bad performance?

We can make a mistake full-knowing that it is not the carefully guarded performance that moves people. No one was ever remembered for "getting every note right". We no longer have to tiptoe through performances and take the safe route. We have been empowered by the Divine within and can therefore aim for a higher reality: serving the audience through giving ourselves entirely to the music. And when this happens, true music is created and the Giver of the gifts is served.