Holy Families

What does it take to be a holy family? Yesterday was the feast of the Holy Family, appropriate since it falls in the octave of Christmas. On that "cold winter's night" Mary and Joseph indeed became a family. When we look at the Trinity, we are reminded of family, as God himself is family. The love which the Father has for the Son is so strong, so powerful, that It is manifested as the Holy Spirit. In addition, God's love (Holy Spirit) for us is so unfailing, so passionate, that It took on the form of flesh in Jesus Christ. What was once invisible became visible. And isn't that how families are made? The love which is so deep and wonderful between a man and a woman becomes visible in their children.

So what does a holy family look like? Well, in today's modern society, it's little wonder that the family is on the "endangered" list. Families don't make time to be families because of lifestyle choices. And it's tough. Bills have to be paid. Often, both parents have to work. TV's become substitutes for real conversation in families, and mealtime rarely happens as a group. Individuals may pick up fastfood as they scurry off to their next activities. Are their solutions?

You feel like your household is chaotic, that people are yelling and being noisy all the time. What is going on? Your child spends their Christmas vacation in front of the TV because you need to catch up on housework and it keeps them out of your way.



Maybe your family is a victim of "keeping up with the Jones'". Your children must have every toy they ask for which the media tells them they should have. Two weeks after the b-day or Christmas, the toy is collecting dust.

* Decide what toys are useful for your children.

Do they really need ten baby dolls? three sets of trains? Choose toys that will stay with them and spark their creativity, and avoid the rest like a plague.
If they already have too many and it's out of control to organize (more work for you!), have them go through old toys they don't use anymore or have grown out of and donate them to less fortunate children.
If you invite others to your children's birthday party's, have a no gift rule, or ask that they contribute a small donation to help cover the expense of one special gift for the child.


Your child's agenda is fuller than yours. Parents often feel that their children should have every experience they were deprived of growing up: all at once! So they enroll them in swimming and dance lessons and soccer and basketball and underwater basket weaving. And mom wonders why she spends all her time being a chaffeur and dinner is never on the table in time!

* Enough is enough.

Find one sport and one fine art to enroll your child in- not twenty. And if they want to give up an activity, let them. The objective is that they stay healthy and active through physical activity as well as creatively involved in an art form of some kind. Not that they be the next Picasso or "follow in their father's footsteps" of being the starting linebacker.


Dad comes home from work and doesn't want to help with the children. He lets Mom fight all the battles, administer the discipline, and care for the children. After all, who would want to? He wants peace and quiet, but the children are anything but quiet.



* Involve dad as well.

Fathers need to be more actively involved in their children's lives. Suggest that he have special time with the children while you take some time for you- take a bath, read a book, etc. As your family life becomes more peaceful (see the next few tips) he will look forward to his time with the children.



Mom is grouchy and overworked. The laundry is piling up, the dishes are stacked to the ceiling, and the dog just made another mess. Does anybody else care to help?


*Allocate housework.

Moms are generally overworked and overstressed and children are spoiled and overpriveleged. So moms and children would benefit if children would take on simple house chores earlier on. Don't wait until they're teenagers to say, "Make your bed" or "take out the trash". A child who is four years old can scrub a plate of food they've just eaten from. It will make mother's life easier, and the children will have less time to get into sibling quarrels and wander back toward the TV.

The family is loud and chaotic. The children will not settle down before bedtime, and quarrels frequently erupt between siblings. The children seem to always be fighting over something "that's mine!" or "I had it first" are some of their favorite phrases. It's all you can do to get them to bed so you can have a few minutes of peace and quiet before the chaos and rush of the next day.


*Turn the TV off. For good. No, seriously.

How much information which comes through your television is actually necessary for your well-being? Put the TV in a cabinet and close the door. Live without it for two weeks and just see if you miss it.

Now, if your family is already addicted to TV, you're going to be fighting a pretty bad withdrawal battle. But just remind them that it won't be gone forever. Be aware of your children going over to friend's houses to watch their TV. Tell them their friends can come to your house, but that you feel that you should have more family time without the TV.

Drop your cable subscription and find something else to do with the extra money. Use the TV sparingly and purposefully. Think, "I'm going to turn the TV on for the 6 o'clock news, and then it goes off." Or have a family movie night- watch one movie and discuss it afterwards. Check out family flicks! But make sure the TV does not linger, or your family will get sucked in. Your household will be more peaceful.

*Plan family prayer time.

It'll never happen unless you schedule it in. Without the TV competing for your family's energy and attention, it will be much simpler than you think. What you pray is not as important as the act of praying. Make it a positive time- don't scold or lecture if your family does not immediately respond joyfully. Start with fifteen minutes an evening after dinner and just wait- your family will start to look forward to it!

*Be good stewards.

Apart from teaching children the value of a dollar, they need to learn what to do with their dollars. Make them aware of how much they do have. Take them to food banks and shelters and put them to work. Encourage them to save their money, and then present the option of using part of it to donate to a charity.

*Have dinner every night together.

It can be done. Arrange your schedules so that you can be a family every evening. It may be tough at first, but you can find a way if you're determined enough. If every evening is impossible, make it three times a week.

So maybe you're not Martha Stewart. Or maybe you normally cook dinner, but it's just not going to happen tonight because it's been an overwhelming day. So, don't take the family to a noisy restaurant and battle traffic on the way there. Instead, order delivery or have your husband pick up food at a restaurant on his way home from work. Put it on plates (don't worry- you'll have help washing them after dinner!) and have dinner as a family. Sit down around the table. Have conversation without feeling like you have to talk over loud music or background noise. Be a family.

Families are complex because they are made up of individuals with separate interests and tastes. Find common ground through faith, and your family will flourish.

Motivation: Fear or Love?

People living in the modern world can easily fall into a trap of living in fear. I might choose to go to class because I'm afraid I'll fail if I don't. I turn in homework assignments because I fear that my grade will suffer as a result. I might fake kindness or agree with a person even when disagree because I'm afraid of offending them. I go to work because I'm afraid of losing my job and not being able to support myself. Fear. It's a strong motivator. But if our lives revolve around fear alone, we're missing half the picture. Fear causes us to live reactionary lives- our choices are based only on events thrown at us. We stop creating, inventing, thinking, pondering- and begin only existing. What is the bare minimum I must do in order to get by? This is a reaction to what is expected of us- how do I escape life unscathed, without offending, without making too much noise. This time of the semester, I find myself living in a lot of fear. I fear that if I don't pass Biology, I will fail. I fear I may not graduate. This leads to more fears of not getting a job, not being able to pay back my student loans, etc. Fear, fear, fear. To some extent, I may realize that my fears are irrational- that everything will work out just fine, but this does not keep me from being fearful.

Fear is stifling for the Christian. It chokes the spirit. It keeps one passive, a bystander in life, not a full participant. We are called to be bold- to make some noise- to stand up and speak out. I fear that if I don't pray, I will not grow spiritually. My eternal salvation may be in jeopardy because my soul could drift very far without constant dialogue with its Creator. And yet, the project that is due tomorrow seems more pressing than eternity because it's more immediate- the consequences are sooner coming. Anything that happens on this earth is more immediate than eternity- that does not mean it should have priority. The challenge as Christians is to find balance in our daily life so that everything we do, say, and think becomes a prayer rising like incense before God. It doesn't matter if our efforts seem imperfect- if we offer them with a pure heart, God will accept them. But it can't stop there. Setting aside some time every day- even if it only starts with 15 minutes a day- is invaluable in spiritual life.

"I don't have time to pray" we fall into the trap of thinking. But somehow, we all find time for every other "necessary" part of life: school, work, shopping, paying bills, etc. And modern life tempts us into thinking there is something lazy about prayer- after all, we're not really "doing" anything. But the Christian who only joins service clubs, social groups, and even bible studies may fall into the habit of doing. Even if they do these things in good faith and heart- they are still lacking. If they do not take time- make time to go directly to the Source, they will become discouraged. Their efforts will become selfishly motivated. They will easily be disheartened by the imperfections of themselves and others and begin seeking approval from those around them instead of their Maker. We must not let activity, even if it's Christian activity, keep us from quiet contemplative prayer.

One of my pet peeves is to hear, "Well, all we can do is pray." Shame! Prayer is not "all" we can do- it's the most powerful thing we can ever hope to do! We are worthless without it. All of our actions and hopes and good faith can become corrupt if we do not turn our hearts to prayer. If we would only put away our narrow-mindedness for an instant and realize the value of prayer. We cannot even begin to appreciate how powerful prayer is. For through prayer, we do not change God- he changes us- he transforms us into vessels, into instruments.

And so, this Advent, and during this time of particular stress and bustle of final exams, let us look upon prayer not as an obligation, but as a beautiful privilege and source of power, hope, strength, and renewal. Let us constantly seek God as welcoming, loving, always ready to love and forgive and hold us. He is not our faculty advisor nor is he our professor. He is not with the University Police waiting to pass out parking tickets. He is God almighty, and prayer is not just another requirement on his sacred syllabus. He yearns to speak with us through prayer, to communicate his will to us. Let us respond to him out of love, holy fear, not human fear. Amen.

Music and the Self

Musicians are frequently thought of as being ego-centric and self-absorbed. The stereotypical opera singer sums up this sentiment when we picture him singing "mi-mi-mi-mi-mi!" with gusto. We may hear, "It's all about me-me-me!" The humble singer is no singer at all, or so we think. Tall posture, unwavering energy, and confident notes are surely signs that someone is "full of himself". The only way a singer can get ahead is to be hard-shelled and ruthless- competitive and not taking slack from anyone. The diva is feared by even the conductor. She can, with one look, dominate the stage and get what she wants from the musical experience- her tempo, her dynamic- she does not apologize. But the days of the diva are fading, as directors and conductors are beginning to realize that people can be talented and cooperative: everyone is happy and the music is better served. Service. It may be the last thing we think of in regards to music and performance. But it should be the first.
The act of music-making and performing is for whom? While performers may take pleasure in singing and being on stage, ultimately, if there's no audience, there's no performance. Therefore, the audience must be kept in mind at all times. It is the performer's job to give the gift of music and the audience's job to enjoy and be enriched. In this way, the singer becomes a servant- not only to the audience, but to the music. Being a servant to the music requires several things. The performer must first be comfortable enough with technique that they can, while on stage, "forget" about it- let it go. Trust that it is there and working and fueling a great performance. Their mind should become preoccupied with the meaning of the music, which demands a knowledge of text and context. Linked with this is the ability to "feel" the music- which is expressed through dynamics, phrasing, articulation- all of the things that make up great technique, but with that added "spark" that keeps it from being mechanical or robotic. If a singer allows thoughts of technique or even audience acceptance "will they like it?" take over, they are serving neither the music or the audience.

But it is not just the stereotypical "mi-mi-mi" opera singer who can fall into this trap of preoccupation. It can also be the well-meaning, yet insecure singer who may not be able to get past the technique and audience thoughts. And the very thing keeping them there is really, fear. Let us not confuse fear with humility. True humility lies not in outward appearance or perceptions- it is simply the singer's awareness of their strengths, weaknesses, motivations, and Source of their gifts. Here, I will add in a spiritual aspect, because we are all spiritual, regardless of our "religious" beliefs. For me personally, I believe the Giver of my gifts is God. He is the source and inspiration from which my talents flow. But in order to be His "instrument" and let His light truly shine forth, I have to get out of the way. The fear which hinders my "letting go" and giving myself to the music and audience also hinders His work in me. Therefore, worry is a very selfish act.

True humility flourishes when one places all confidence in the Giver of the gift. In reflecting on the goodness of God, we see both our unworthiness and our Divine worth all at once. We are fragile humans, children of God all at once. We can then go into performances with the confidence that we have a bit of the Divine within us. We are not alone, and our identity does not rest on merely being a singer or performer. With this realization, fear is banished and we realize that we do not stake our success on recognition or approval or praise from others. We no longer fear "screwing up" because we have been set free to create. It is no longer our interest we look after- so what if we make a mistake? If it's not for ourselves that we perform, then how can we be harmed by a bad performance?

We can make a mistake full-knowing that it is not the carefully guarded performance that moves people. No one was ever remembered for "getting every note right". We no longer have to tiptoe through performances and take the safe route. We have been empowered by the Divine within and can therefore aim for a higher reality: serving the audience through giving ourselves entirely to the music. And when this happens, true music is created and the Giver of the gifts is served.

Count Your Blessings

It's so easy in life to give up, be negative, and wish we could turn back time...

Yesterday, I was feeling fearful, frustrated, and frenzied as I left campus to "exercise my civic duty". When I got to the polling place, I was re-routed to a nearby elementary school that was in my precinct. Thinking I knew where it was, as I had walked by there many times before, I did not get clear directions. I became increasingly frustrated as I realized I was wasting precious study time, and that by the time I got to the polls, a long line would await me. I circled the neighborhood several times, but knew that I needed directions to get there. I called my sister, but her internet was down, so she couldn't help. I told her it was no big deal, laughed it off, and decided to try to find a convenience store and ask for directions. I restarted my car and eased out of the residential area I had been parked in. But I was too early. I put on the gas as I was closing my cell phone with my right hand. The next instant, I looked up and realized that I was on a very narrow street with a wide car and way too close to the car on the left. BOOOOOOOOOM! I just knew I had destroyed the parked car. My heart raising, I got out of my vehicle, still idling. A closeby neighbor had witnessed the incident and said "Bummer". Yes, bummer. Luckily, I had only ripped off the car's side view mirror, not demolished the door or anything. I left a note with my name and number on it secured in the mirror itself, and when I went back to my car, I had identical damage on the passenger's side. I called my sister, who convinced me to go back home, call my insurance company, and not worry about voting- Texas would carry McCain. And it did.

I could wallow in regret and anger toward myself for my carelessness and hurriedness. But instead, I look past this relatively small incident with insight into the future. Okay, so my insurance premium may go up slightly. Bummer. But this incident was a wakeup call that I have been developing unsafe driving patterns when I'm not actually on highways and busy streets. I have been feeling way too "safe" pulling out of parking lots, going down residential streets, and such. Although these situations may not demand as much concentration, they still demand focus and attention on the road. One split second is long enough for something to go awry.

So instead of looking at the inconvenience, the bad side of this, I thank God. I thank him that that side view mirror was not a child that I would not have seen until it was too late. Mirrors can be replaced, people can't. This incident may have occurred in order to remind me to slow down, pay attention, never be in a hurry. If I had continued developing poor driving patterns, my very life or others may have been in jeopardy. This incident was a gentle nudge from God to protect me from harm in the future.

I take several things from this happening. 1) I am a person who easily feels overwhelmed and becomes distracted. But I must set my emotions aside when I step into the driver's seat. I cannot drive emotionally. 2) Am I really saving time if something does happen on the road? 3) All driving, whether it is in a parking lot, on a residential street, or access road, requires my undivided attention. 4) I am blessed.

My disappointment over the driving incident was, of course, magnified with Obama's landslide victory. I do fear for our country, and I am gravely saddened by the reality that pro-life legislation may not see the light of day for at least four more years. This is truly a man with a hardened heart toward the unborn, as his voting record has shown. How can we as a nation speak about "hope and change" when we've mercilessly slaughtered at least a fourth of our nation under the protection of the federal law? It's barbarism.

But once again, I realize that God is in control. And even though I can't see or understand His plan in its entirety, I know that He will work something through this presidency in order to bring about good.

Seeking True Feminism: Esther

What scripture tells us: "This girl, who was also known as Esther, was lovely in form and features" (Esther 2:7). We also know she is a virgin, as Esther 2:1 implies.

The story: The king has grown disenchanted with his disobedient wife, so he is in search of a new one. Among the virgins summoned to the king's courts is Esther. She only takes what is necessary with her when she goes to visit the king, and she never reveals her kinship, as her cousin and guardian Mordecai has instructed. After winning the favor of everyone she meets, including the king's, she is crowned queen.

What we can learn: Esther travels lightly. She chooses not to be burdened by unnecessary things. We can look at this one of two ways: 1) let go of the past and do not let it weigh you down and 2) do not be materialistic. Holding on to ill feelings others have caused us or staying angry at ourselves for past sins only inhibit us to carry out God's will. Similarly, temporal objects can get in our way and junk up our lives and our mission.

The plot thickens: In the meantime, Mordecai has overheard gatesmen plotting the king's assasination, and he immediately sends word to Esther. She, of course, relays the information to her husband, who gives the credit to Mordecai. Later on, Mordecai refuses to pay homage to Hamang, one of the king's officials. Yet another gatesman reports Mordecai's disobedience to Haman, who angrily decides to do away with Mordecai and his people, the Jews.

When Mordecai learns of this plot, he tears his clothes, puts on sackcloth, and begins fasting and weeping. Esther is "greatly distressed" when she hears of her cousin's suffering, and she has clothes sent to him immediately.

What we can learn: Esther, in all her glorious queenship, has not forgotten her humble beginnings. She has only grown in empathy and readiness to help out her kinsman. May we, in every walk and state of life, be free and generous in serving others any way we can.

But wait...there's more: Mordecai, of course, has word sent to Esther that she must beg and plead on the Jews' behalf. Esther responds that to do so would put her life in jeopardy, for those whom the king does not officially summon will be put to death by law, unless he extends the golden sceptre. Realizing that she will die if she remains silent, because she is a Jew, Esther bravely decides to go and speak with the King, uninvited.

But first, Esther sends word to Mordecai to tell the people to fast and pray, and she and her maids will do the same.

What we can learn: Esther practices what she preaches. Notice she holds true to her word. She, along with Mordecai and even her maids, fasts in preparation for the meeting with her King. Prayer should always preceed our every action if we are to gain the necessary strength and graces we need for this journey.

But that's not all: Then, Esther approaches King Xerxes. He is pleased to see her, and spares her life by holding out the golden sceptre. She says,"If it pleases the king...let the king, together with Haman, come today to a banquet I have prepared for him'" Esther 5:4. The banquet is prepared, and the King asks what she wants. She says again, "'My petition and my request is this: If the king regards me with favor and if it pleases the king to grant my petition and fulfill my request, let the king and Haman come tomorrow to the banquet I will prepare for them. Then I will answer the king's question'" (Esther 5:7-8).

Finally, at the second banquet, Esther says, "''If I have found favor with you, O king, and if it pleases your majesty, grant me my life—this is my petition. And spare my people—this is my request'" (Esther 7:3). Then Esther reveals Haman's plot to destroy Mordecai, her kinsman, and the Jews. Haman is done away with, but yet Esther is still concerned for the Jews, who are still at risk due to Haman's existing plan.

This time, Esther pleads with the king, falling down at his feet and weeping. She speaks, "'If it pleases the king," she said, "and if he regards me with favor and thinks it the right thing to do, and if he is pleased with me, let an order be written overruling the dispatches that Haman...devised'" (Esther 8:5).

What we can learn: Esther's got guts. She approaches the king, knowing that her life is at risk. She also shows tremendous humility before the king in the way she speaks to him. Check out the bolded words above. And her persistence. Time and again, she keeps patiently pleading with the King for her own and her people's deliverance. Notice the last time she approaches him, she falls down at his feet and weeps. May we humbly fall before our King in all our trials, and joys, for that matter. And may we never grow weary to petition and ask his pardon and help.

Seeking True Feminism: Rebekah

What scripture tells us: "The girl was very beautiful, and a virgin" (Genesis 24:16).

The story: Abraham sends his servant to seek a wife for Isaac from Abraham's homeland.
When he arrives there after several days' journey, Rebekah is at the well, drawing water for her family. As unglamorous and mundane as the task was, she was faithful to her work. Rebekah notices Abraham's servant, who has just completed a long journey. He is probably smelly, covered in dirt and sweat, and may not speak her language. She does not stop to question if he may be a friend or a foe; instead, she only notices that he is thirsty and in need. She merely acts as a servant. "Drink" she says. (Genesis 24:18) Then, she "ran back to the well" as Genesis 24:58 states to draw water for his camels. And as slobbery and precocious as they may have been, she quietly serves them as well.

What we can learn: Rebekah was faithful to everyday tasks and a humble servant to those in need. She wasted no time in weighing the losses or costs, she only acted.

The saga continues: The servant follows Rebekah back to her house and tells her family that Abraham has sent him and why he has been sent. They agree that she should return with him, as it is truly God's will. However, they are not quite ready to let her go, and they ask if she can remain with them a few days more. The servant insists that they must return immediately, so they leave the decision up to her. "I will go" she simply states. (Genesis 24:65) Then, she took a veil and covered up.

What we can learn: Rebekah had tremendous faith in God's will to leave her family on such short notice to travel with an unfamiliar man to meet more unfamiliar men, one of whom she would marry. Phew. That takes guts. She also covered up with a veil, which was certainly culturally influenced at the time. We could all take note of and learn from her modesty, however, which is against our culture of this time.